How I Sleep Trained My Baby

Sleep deprivation is one of those things every parent can relate to. Who hasn’t stayed awake all night holding a tired or fussy baby? It’s awful hearing them cry, so often times we’ll do whatever we can to make it stop – even if that means less sleep for us. No matter how much we love our little ones though, getting enough sleep at night is crucial for our health and theirs. Babies need sleep in order to grow, and if they aren’t getting enough quality sleep, then all areas of their life will start to suffer. Enter in sleep training. Yes, it will be hard – but you are setting your child up for a lifetime of wonderful sleep by laying the foundation for them now. And I promise you, it will be worth it.

As I shared on my Instagram stories a few weeks ago, I was feeling VERY anxious going into training with Henning but it ended up being the best thing we ever did. For him and for us! My husband keeps joking that it feels like we’re on spring break, and I have to agree. I don’t think I’ve gotten this much consistent sleep since before he was born. I feel like a new {and better!} mom to him and I know he is a happier baby as well.

I’ve honestly never been more proud than I was after the first time I watched him put himself to sleep. Seriously! The amount of change you see in just a few short days is almost alarming and I couldn’t have done it without Cara. Her gentle guideline to helping parents sleep train was just what I needed, and I will be forever grateful that I found it when I did. When I shared our success with you all, the questions poured in. Since I know many of you are in similar situations, I wanted to answer as many as I could for you in one place so we could all come back and reference them anytime we needed. Without further adieu…let’s get started!

SLEEP TRAINING

What program did you use? We followed the Taking Cara Babies 5-24th class. Also called ‘The ABCs of Sleep‘

How old was Henning when we started? Henning was almost exactly six months old when we started Cara’s program. With that being said, we laid the foundation for healthy sleep behavior from the very beginning. Meaning, he slept in a dark room, in his own crib, with a sound machine. We also kept his night time routine very consistent {this is different from our daytime routine which was all over the place and very flexible}.

Do you wish you had started earlier? Yes and no. Mostly no though because before Christmas, Henning was almost sleeping through the night. He was only waking up once. But then he got the flu, and I was so worried about him, especially when we went to Colorado, that I basically held him for 2 weeks straight. All day, and allllllll night. I would usually start the night by putting him in the pack n’ play, but the minute he would cry, I’d go and get him and then just hold him the rest of the night {I would sleep sitting up – it wasn’t great but again, it gave me peace of mind!} When we got home, and he was back to his normal, healthy self, it became obvious that he had had a taste of the good life {aka mama snuggling him 24/7!} and he didn’t want to go back to sleeping like he was before. It was obviously not sustainable for me, so I knew it was time. I have no regrets though!

Did you still have the help of your night nurse during this time? Or was it just you and your husband? Oh gosh, no. I wish! That would have been ideal, but our night nurse left months ago. I did this all on my own – even my husband was out of town {something I didn’t share on stories at the time but he was!} and it was just me, myself and I! I was ready and didn’t want to wait for him to get back into town. It was hard, but I had mentally prepared for it.

What did you do those first couple of nights when he was really crying? Drink wine! 😉 No, honestly, I would just sit downstairs at my kitchen table and watch the monitor. Once the timer went off, I would go do my pop in and then repeat until he fell asleep. Only once he actually fell asleep did I feel I could really relax and enjoy myself. I poured a glass of wine, made myself dinner and watched one of my guilty pleasure tv shows {Real Housewives cough cough}. Remember, my husband was out of town, so I was able to reward myself how I saw fit 😉

Did you always have sleep issues with him or was this a result of a regression? I’d honestly say Henning was a pretty good sleeper before he got sick with the flu over Christmas {5 months}. My husband would say that wasn’t true, and maybe he’s right, but either way I wasn’t ready until he was 6 months to do a more serious sleep training with him. My mama heart couldn’t take it! So if waking up at night was what I had to do, then I was going to do it. In some ways, I didn’t mind it. And I’ll never regret those nights spent with him! 

Before using the program, were you still nursing him in the middle of the night at all? I stopped nursing Henning in the middle of night around 4 weeks of age. Before that, I was waking up for every feeding, but at the time we had a night nurse, so eventually I let her give him a bottle of my pumped breastmilk so I could sleep. I waited 4 weeks because I wanted to make sure he had a good enough grasp of breastfeeding and wouldn’t get nipple confusion. Once the night nurse left and/or on the nights she wasn’t with us, I would nurse Henning back to sleep anytime he woke up. 99% of the time he would just latch for comfort, fall back asleep and I could put him back down easily!

If you stopped nursing him to sleep are you just pushing up a last feeding before bed? Something Cara said that I thought was really interesting was that a baby doesn’t need to have a huge last feeding before bed. Sure, a full tummy may help make him sleepy, but it doesn’t make or break a good nights sleep. The calories he or she is getting all day are enough to get them through the night. When I learned this, I was able to stress less about the bottle we dropped at 10pm where he was getting 7oz, and able to just know he was making up for those lost calories elsewhere during the day. And sure enough! Henning is sleeping through the night no problem. So besides dropping the 10pm bottle, we have kept everything else the same schedule wise.

When/how did you drop the nighttime feeding before you started sleep training? I think we just dropped it! I’m trying to think if we did anything special or specific {kind of craxy how your brain just forgets certain things}. Henning has only ever gotten one bottle per day, so it was pretty easy to drop. I have always just assumed he would eat more at other feedings when he nurses and he seems to be doing so. I guess I will need to change/worry more if the pediatrician says he isn’t gaining enough weight but so far, so good! He’s sleeping well and gaining weight well so we are very lucky.

Did he have the 4 month sleep regression, improve, and then regress again? So, I’m not totally sure how to answer this question! We were lax and strict on his sleep schedule all at the same time. I didn’t let Henning ‘cry it out’ until he was almost exactly 6 months old. I don’t think he had the 4th month regression – at least not a noticeable terrible one like I’ve heard people describe. Like I previously mentioned, he was only waking up 1x during months 4-6 {and I would just pick him up, put him on the boob, and then put him back in crib once asleep}. The great thing about Cara’s program is that she gave me the tools to handle his next regression, and I’m actually not afraid or nervous about it like I would’ve been before. When you are armed with tools, you can go into any situation and feel prepared. I can’t tell you the difference that makes for my anxiety!

Are you doing a dream feed? I laugh at this question because I always thought the idea of a dream feed sounded so sweet and peaceful, but my husband is just incapable of going in and being ‘quiet’ when he sees Henning. He gets so excited and honestly, it’s so sweet that I’ve never had the heart to tell him to stop. The nighttime bottle was always their time together so I didn’t want to step in and tell him what to do or how to enjoy his time with Henning. He’d give the bottle, I’d pump in our bedroom and then once we were both finished, I’d come in and put Henning down for bed {aka ‘nurse’ him to sleep}. It was perfect and it worked for us! I really cherished that routine {and honestly I would’ve kept doing it had Henning not started rejecting bottles}.

How did you handle the middle of the night? Listening to Henning cry was really hard – like, really hard. But I also waited until he was 6 months old, and I was sure he knew how to self soothe well enough to go forward with this training {he could calm himself down on his own}. So I felt better about it. I knew his cries – whether he was just sort of fake crying, or if he was really upset. So, that helped a lot.

Before using the program, were you still nursing him in the middle of the night? Only when he would wake up would I pick him up and nurse him. With that being said, he was ‘nursing’ at that point {in the middle of the night} for comfort rather than hunger so he never really ate much. It’s not like he was getting a full feeding. He’d often times fall asleep within 5 or 10 minutes and then I’d put him back down again and go get back in bed. 

Interested in how you taught him to self soothe! I think, to a certain degree, all babies eventually learn how to self soothe on their own. Henning found his fingers when he was around 4 months and that really helped things! He would be crying and then find his fingers and all would be better. I know other babies use pacifiers, a lovey or whatever else you give them or they figure out – but my pediatrician says by 6 months they should be learning how to self soothe.

How were you getting him back to sleep in the middle of the night before sleep training? I always joke that I don’t know what I would do without my boobs! They’re the one thing that can always calm Henning down, no matter what. My husband always jokes that it isn’t fair I have such a special tool to make Henning happy. If he awoke in the middle of the night, I would go into his nursery, pick him up, and nurse him until he fell asleep. Then I would put him back down and go to sleep until he woke up again 🙂 Hopefully not until the morning, but towards the end, it was happening 3-4 times per night.

Do you still nurse him before you put him down? How do you keep him awake? Yes! After bath time I get Henning dressed and turn off all the lights except for the lamp next to our chair. I then nurse him until he’s finished {and usually asleep!} and then gently wake him up to read a book. At first he sometimes cries, but then get excited by the book and wakes up. I read it through a few times looking at all the pictures and usually this is when my husband comes in to say goodnight as well. We then turn the sound machine on, turn the light off, and place Henning into his crib awake. A few kisses and then we are out the door. Before, when I nursed him to sleep, we’d never had had an opportunity for a book before bed. It was something I wanted to do, but didn’t know how. So I was excited to start doing it with this training. I think it also helps that nursing isn’t the
last thing we do before we put him into his crib {especially in the beginning when he would get super upset!}

When sleep training, how many nights was it until you saw a real improvement? I saw a huge improvement on night three and then by night five or six it was like I was dealing with a totally different baby. He was sleeping 7-7am and happy and sleeping and as my husband put it – we felt like we were on spring break! 

Does Henning still cry when you first put him to bed? As I type this {January 29th, 2020} tonight was the first night EVER that I put Henning down into his crib at bedtime awake and he didn’t make a peep! Not a single cry! Up until now, even post sleep training, he would cry or moan for a few minutes, but not tonight! He put himself to sleep like a champ and seemed happy to do so! 🙂

How did you conquer putting him down awake? Cara gave me the tools to know what to do. I never thought we’d get there, but it’s amazing how quickly babies learn and adapt!

How do you overcome early morning wake ups? What is the earliest you’ll get him out of bed in the morning if he wakes up? Since we started sleep training, there have been a few times that Henning has woken up sometime between 6 and 7am. My goal is always to get him to 7am so I would have been lost without Cara’s guidance on what to do. She has tips on how to handle just this situation and because it’s a paid program, I won’t share it here, but do encourage you to buy the program if you are dealing with this issue 🙂

Does Henning sleep in a merlin suit or a sleep sack? Henning sleeps in a sleep sack. We made the transition from a swaddle to a sleep sack at 13 weeks because Henning hated having his arms down. He was also starting to sleep on his side, so it just made sense. He immediately slept so much better! There was never really a transition to speak of – one night he was in this swaddle, and the next he was in this sleep sack. Before we knew it, he was sleeping on his tummy and much happier.

What is Henning sleeping in? This sleep sack! We love this brand. It comes in three different weights and is so incredibly soft. Right now he’s in the 2.5 TOG which is the warmest.

How long did he sleep in the same room as you guys? We had a night nurse from day 1, so Henning never slept in the same room as us. The only nights he did were the nights she wasn’t there. By week 12, he was sleeping consistently in his own crib even when our night nurse was long gone. 

Did you find it best to do this in H’s room vs. in yours? Henning never slept in our room {minus a few nights here and there} so it was never a question of whether we would do it in our room. Also, Cara’s program encourages the babies learn how to sleep in their own environment. 🙂

What did Henning sleep in during the first 12 weeks? Did you have a bassinet? His crib! If he slept in our room, he slept in the rock n’ play. But 9/10 he slept in his crib. 

Does the program involve crying it out? Conflicting feelings on it but so tired! Yes! This program involves crying it out, but the longest interval you’ll ever have to listen to is 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, you can ‘pop in’ and comfort your baby. Once you leave, the timer starts over. For some moms, I’ve heard this can last for hours, but for Henning it only lasted one hour and then he was asleep. It was much more manageable than letting him cry for one hour straight because I got to go in and comfort him! I felt much better about that. He knew he wasn’t alone, and that I was always there for him, ready to pop in and offer comfort. I think by knowing that, he finally felt comfortable enough to fall asleep. After night 3 {and now almost 2 weeks later} he falls asleep easily {and quickly!} on his own!

What’s the longest you let him cry it out? Before I started the program, I let him cry it out for 50 minutes once. It was awful – but I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Honestly, I was clueless {and exhausted}. After I started the program, the longest I ever went was 20 minutes! And I was allowed to do ‘pop ins’ so offer him comfort in between. It was so much more manageable for me. 

During the training, how long did you let him cry before soothing? How did you soothe? Cara’s program has you check in on the baby in intervals, offering comfort each time the timer goes off. Every time I went in I would lean over, kiss him, rub his back and try to calm him as much as possible. Cara recommends not touching the baby after the third night {just using your voice} but I couldn’t do that. So I didn’t. I did what worked for us 🙂

My baby is 7 months old and teething – what happens with the training when they go through something like that? Is it not too hard on them? Cara gives you tools with this program to know how to handle regressions or something like teething so you feel prepared and can get back on track easily. I haven’t dealt with this yet, but I feel confident I will be able to handle it once I do. It is also much easier to tell when something is actually wrong with your baby if he is a good sleeper and sleeping through the night. If he wakes up, you know something is wrong {dirty diaper, foot caught in slat, bumped head, teething etc}. Once sleep trained, you know they aren’t just crying because they woke up and want mama because you’ve taught them how to go back to sleep on their own at this point. I hope that makes sense!

What is the recommendation in regards to the use of pacifiers? Henning has never had a problem/issue with pacifiers so I didn’t pay too close attention to the rules on pacifiers but from what I remember she encouraged that you put several in the crib with the baby so they can find them easily to self soothe if need be. 

How did you know it was the right time to start sleep training? We had 1 or 2 weeks where Henning was waking up 3-4 times in the night, He had previously been waking up 1x a night so I sort of knew it was time. We were both suffering. The regression was triggered by him coming down with the flu and our holiday travel. Once henning got sick, I pretty much held him 24/7. I was so worried about him, and the only thing that gave me peace of mind was making sure he was breathing – which I could only do by holding him. All night. Luckily I’m a pretty easy sleeper and could sleep sitting up. But after three weeks of that, even a good sleeper needs a break. It was time, and like I said before, I knew we were both ready. He was 6 months old. 

Would you have done anything differently in the very beginning? If so, what? Honestly, I wouldn’t. Maybe for my second baby I will sleep train a little earlier {around 4 months} but for Henning, everything has worked out and I’m happy. I’ll never get my sleep back from those long nights, but I wouldn’t give up those snuggles either. Sometimes, honestly, I miss holding him in the middle of the night. 

NAPS

Did you learn anything about how to handle naps? Like how to consolidate them? Cara addresses naps in her program! She has an entire section devoted to them.

How are you establishing good naps during the day after nighttime is established? I think a lot of you might scoff at my answer to this, but I sort of let Henning lay out his own nap schedule. From months 1-4 I really just let Henning tell me when he was tired. Around month 5, an obvious pattern started forming and we’ve sort of followed that since. I don’t compare our schedule right now to others, or to Moms on Call or even Cara because it’s working for us!

Is her sleep training for naps different from the night time training? We need nap help! Yes! Cara recommends working on naps after mastering bedtime. She says they use a different part of the brain, so you don’t have to feel like you have to both at once {although some moms prefer this regardless}.

Did you train him for naps at the same time or are you planning on doing it after? No 🙂 I am waiting a bit until we start officially training on naps. But I will say, sleep begets sleep {as they say!} because Henning has started sleeping much more consistently during the day! We are still nursing to sleep, but he’s sleeping sounding and putting himself back to sleep if he wakes up which is a big improvement!

How are his naps? Do you put him to sleep when he starts fussing or at a certain time even if happy? Before month 6, I really let Henning set his own day time schedule. I had the flexibility to do so and it just worked for us! But honestly, it almost always shook out to be roughly the same schedule. However, with that being said, we have recently started implementing a more strict schedule because I think Henning is craving it and just getting older and asking for it, and that has been working really well for us also. 

RANDOM QUESTIONS

What do you think about having a night nurse? It was a huge financial investment, but it allowed me to enjoy my first few weeks postpartum in a way I’m not sure I would have had I not had her there. In a time when I was exhausted, nervous and totally clueless, she was there to help guide and support me in a way no one else could {not even my husband!} Her knowledge and confidence gave me so much peace, and I was able to sleep soundly knowing she had her eyes and ears on Henning. 

What apps do you use to track your nursing times and sleep? I don’t use anything other than the Nanit, which is the baby monitor that we use. It tracks his sleep and his awake time. It also alerts to me sound and motion during the night. Once a week they also send me averages from that week on how Henning did {in terms of his sleep + awake time} which is pretty cool. See below for a screenshot – the averages on the left are from mid-December, and the averages on the right are from last week. Pretty amazing right?! 

Do you use the stomach monitoring band? Or the Owlet? We didn’t!
What diapers are you using for overnight? Any leaks? We have pretty much been using the Pampers swaddlers since day 1. Haven’t had any issues at night! A few times we have had issues during the day {with poop blowouts} and when that happened a few times in a row, I knew it was time to size up. That always fixed the problem. Henning is now in a size 3 at 6 months. 

How did you maintain a schedule when you had dinner plans? Honestly, I am late to everything, Luckily Henning goes to bed around 6:30/6:45 so I have been able to make it to most dinners + events on time but if they start before 7 I have just been late. I know he is 6 months old, and I know I will eventually need to let someone else put him to bed but I’m just not there yet. As my sister said once said – ‘if it’s not a problem for you, it’s not a problem!’ 🙂

How much is he eating in a day? I have no idea! I am exclusively breastfeeding him so it’s nearly impossible for me to know 🙂

What age do they recommend starting a program like this? Cara’s program starts with newborns! I wouldn’t know firsthand, but I’ve heard it more like a guideline when the babies are that young. She helps you set a schedule, and learn how to differentiate cries etc. Only once the babies are older does she start encouraging you to let them self soothe

I have a 6 wk old – any sleep tips you can share for this age? Like I mentioned above, Cara’s program starts at newborn and I promise you her advice would be much more valuable than mine! 🙂

Did you consider Moms on Call? What was your reasoning for choosing TCB instead? How do they compare? Someone gifted me a Moms on Call book and I found it interesting, albeit a little strict. When I first had Henning, I just wanted to do nothing but hold him all day long. And that’s what I did! I felt like any time I referenced the MOC book, I was doing it all wrong even though I felt Henning and I were happy. I eventually stopped looking at it, and just went with what worked for us. My sister once told me, ‘if it isn’t a problem for you, it isn’t a problem’ and I found that so wise and reassuring. I didn’t want to let some book tell me how to be a mom until I was ready to hear it. Fast forward 6 months, and Henning and I were finally craving a little more structure. When I mentioned sleep training on my Instagram, so many of you raved about Cara’s program. A few of you mentioned MOC too, but having read portions of their book already and feeling unsure, I looked into Cara’s program instead. I immediately felt drawn to it, and loved the more gentle {in my opinion!} approach.

Ok! Phew. If you’ve made it to the end, I applaud you! I sincerely hope that was helpful for any of you going through something similar. Please let me know {in the comments below!} if I missed any important question and I would be happy to answer it! Thank you and good luck!!